Having it all... or not

In the "olden days" I was always telling people what THEY should do.... (sometimes in response to their asking me, sometimes NOT). I'm the oldest of 5 girls in my family, and my sisters STILL see me that way (so do my children!), but I'd like to think that I tread lightly these days, when it comes to advice. One can NEVER walk in another's shoes. Really. Other people's shoes never fit.

I believe in having as few regrets as possible. I run in to people all of the time who "pack lightly" and my baggage feels heavier and heavier! Sometimes feeling guilty about what might happen is as heavy as any baggage that comes from "wrong" decisions. I have MANY regrets based on decisions I made in my early mothering and career years. Life is so fragile, and we are SOOOOOO not in control of anything. Just this week my life has been affected by losses experienced by others close to me. There's no way we can predict or guess, or prevent some hard, hard things from happening. The only thing we can do is make the most informed, most inspired, or most personally "right" choices we can, do our best efforts and seek the best paths we can find, love the ones around us with all intensity, and face the challenges that come outside of our control.

Here's something I have learned. You cannot be the best, most perfect mother AND the best, most perfect professor in a teacher-preparation program. NO ONE CAN DO EVERYTHING WELL. SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE. If you think there are people out there (or in here, or anywhere) who can do it all, ARE doing it all, or who HAVE it all), they are lying or you can't see something. I had heard this many times, but I didn't believe this for many years. Now, however, I don't just BELIEVE this... I KNOW it. EVERYONE who is good at something has had to compromise something else that was important to them.

In my case, I'm constantly compromising my mothering, or the kind of wife I am, or my relationships with my young-adult children, or my teaching, or something else. I am the only one who knows when I am or am not giving my personal best, the only one who can choose what "gives" or when "good enough is good enough," and I'm the one who has to be responsible for those choices.

One of the sad things that I struggle with often is when students who seek perfection have the expectation that professors will "give" the A for "potential" or "capability" or "worthiness". Admittedly, some of the grades come out that way, whether they should or not. I suppose many of us often buckle under WANTING our students to have it all..... but in my opinion, we do them a disservice when we give them the impression that they CAN do it all, even when WE can't.

One of the BIGGEST regrets I have, personally, is that it took me so long to listen to that voice within, or that "still, small voice" --- I was really good at listening to others' voices and thinking that by following the majority of THOSE voices, or the strongest or most beautiful of those voices, I was following what that inner voice was telling me to do. That wasn't always the case. I still slip into that habit occasionally... but I'm getting better. So I guess soap box for today is a question. What is that voice inside your heart telling you to do? If you can answer that, it will lead to the right decision for you. That is where truth is.